The chill of dawn on a funeral day.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

GIRLS AND BOYS

"everything I've said has been a joke until now.
and I'm done fooling around."

So Ive been getting complaints that people don't know who i am, because I am shy or whatever. People like to judge on first impressions, and their impressions are usually wrong. Well I'm hear to set the record straight.
I'm 17 years old, the youngest of the graduating senior class, I have a boyfriend, and I hate cracks in the sidewalks. I plan on going to college to become an English teacher. I'm naturally skinny so don't assume that I'm anorexic. I have no idea what my natural hair color is anymore and even tho my hair looks like crap to most, I love it and wouldn't change it for the world. I have gaged earring's [i made my original holes bigger] they are a 10 on the bottom and a 6 on the top. I don't try to be different, I just see things for what they are, not what i want them to be. a lesson many need to learn. If you've known me in the past, i haven't changed at all, just a little more talkative to people. Ive been stabbed in the back by people i thought i could trust so I have to watch what I say in school now.typical. I'm not 'punk rock' or 'emo' or 'goth' or anything. i don't slit my wrists every night and cry. Stop saying that.
I'm not hear to complain, although it may seem like it. I'm just fed up.
It seems like people don't want to leave their 'boundaries' and experience something new.
Who would have guessed their is a world outside of Gowanda High School.
I hate to sounds all 'miss America' but our whole class use to get along at one point, and now we just sit their judging each other.
For once i would like to see people sit on the other side of the room.
but i know this is a far fetched dream and I will be considered a hypocrite.

1/17/2007 06:50:00 PM | 0 comments

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

All of the Truth

New years resoultions:
The way I see the holiday is, its just numbers on a calender changing and an excuse to drink.
Resloutions are usually broken or forgotten within a week, so there really is no point.
if you want to change your life for the better you shouldnt rely on a holiday to do it. If you were that motivated, you would have done it a long time ago.

Think of it this way. Say you own a vcr or dvd player, and theres always that option that you can set the clock on the thing.. but you never do it. you dont know if its because your lazy or you just dont want to make a fool of yourself by having the vcr be smarter than you. Thats how I view resolutions. People are just too lazy to pull through with it. Not all. but its mostly common for failure.

Now I'm not saying that i dont believe in everything new years has to offer but I do not bother making 'resolutions'.
However, I do have goals for this upcoming year which are mainly to get accepted into college, enjoy my senior year, and never look back on what I've done.

1/02/2007 05:17:00 AM | 0 comments

Monday, December 11, 2006

Easy/Lucky/Free

http://www.buffalonews.com/editorial/20061210/1056507.asp
This article was found in the Buffalo News December 10th. The article is about a woman named Patricia A. Stanton who is 65 years old and could not see until October of this year, when she had a corneal transplant.
The article goes on to talk about her life and having to raise 12 children and her husband dieing. It also gives statistics about corneal transplants.
The entire time I was reading this I just wonder how her life was. In today's society we depend on what we see and absorb that into our life. Seeing is what makes most of our judgment's. But to not be abel to see at all which means she wasn't as exposed to everything we are... She really took life for what it was. Many people take what were given for granted and think it is always going to be there.
I know her surgery was a big thing for their family and herself, but the way I interpreted that article was... that it was for pity.
Granted life is hard... But I don't think it would be much harder if you were blind. Perhaps im wrong becuase i havent been in the situation. Not being abel to see would almost be a relief. So much happens in one day and half of it you wish you never saw.

12/11/2006 05:12:00 AM | 1 comments

Sunday, December 03, 2006

if you could stay here for just a little bit a little while a little bit with me
your what makes me, and if god could keep you with me
i'd trade just about anything
your what makes me want to change things
i would die just to live and yet we all live to die
your what makes me want to change, you will not die
if you could stay here for just a little bit a little while a little bit with me
your what makes me, and if god could keep you with me
i'd trade just about anything
take a step further back to where you belong
take a look at your life what have you become
i never had the chance to explain myself
i never had the chance to apologize, but you will not die

This is a song from the band Bless the Fall. i saw them recently at a Radio Rebellion tour with Norma Jean. Aside from the fact that they are an amazing hardcore band. They are Surprisingly religious. Almost like Underoath. Not that there's anything wrong with that, its just great to see that religion doesn't have to stick to the classic 'Relient K' stereotype. I don't believe in being religious and I wont go into the details because that's not the purpose of this blog. With most religious bands it seems like their trying to force something upon you. And with bands such as Underoath and Bless the fall its just a breath of fresh air that you can enjoy the music without having something shoved down your throat.
**please don't discriminate against me just because of my beliefs. A blogger is suppose to be an open based site. And that's how it should stay. :D

12/03/2006 11:50:00 AM | 0 comments

Monday, November 13, 2006

Excerpt of my life

"But I talk in the mirror, to the stranger that appears.
Our conversations are circles,
Always one sided;
Nothing is clear.
Except, we keep coming back to this meaning that I lack.
He says, "The choices were given,
Now I must live them,
Or just not live."
--But do you want that? "

THis. is from a song. A song that I've found refuge in many times.
I bet you only about 6 or so people in my school could name the artist. This is quite depressing. My point that I'm getting at is that people are too close minded. Now don't think that I'm contradicting myself, I accept that fact that I am to an extent. Everyone complains "oh I hate being labeled. blah blah blah." well maybe if you took the time to even listen to something outside of your music collection you wouldn't be so generic.

For instance.. In 10th grade I had a new English teacher. THis teacher introduced me into a new genre of music. I was at the time into the 'hardcore punk emo s*it'. The bands he introduced me to were nothing like I had heard before, I never knew what indie music or anything was. Well because of his influence I had expanded my 'musical horizons' and this is what I am suggesting you to do. It really makes life all the more enjoyable to think 'oh, I'm going to listen to music from India' and it almost makes u feel multi-cultural for that one min. that you listen to it. Sure I'm not god or anything, I'm simply just saying if everyone preaches "music=life" and you only listen to one type of music, then your life is pretty 'black and white' don't you think?

-K

11/13/2006 05:53:00 PM | 1 comments

Monday, October 23, 2006

Do we educate?

So many things occur through a day. Some of them bad others good. But what can we really do about them. You cant leave everything up to fate. When you accept your actions and realize that you cant fix what happens, then your life will be enjoyable. Like it or not, we are all going to end up the same way, dead. This may sound pretty blunt but its something we must accept. I found this same concept in the book Slaughter house five. It talks about the tralfamadorian's who generally agree with what I've said. I think the main character Billy should try to express this idea and it may in turn help everyone. But looking on the negative side of things people are not always willing to accept new concepts. My English assignment said they the tralfamadorian's have a vastly different view of the universe than we do. Or at least that's how it was put out to be. But what happens when the person reading the novel already thought that way? How is it so vastly different then? I realize that everyone has their own free will to think about this subject how ever they would like. But some people will only see this as an assignment and continue to be so close-minded.

10/23/2006 07:48:00 PM | 1 comments

Friday, October 13, 2006

think about it kid

honestly
what makes you get up in the morning?
is it the constant scream of the alarm clock
the thought that you have to get something done that day
or is it something else?

i just want to know what other people think a reason to get up is. mine is usually because im excited to see people. i like to get away from my home and leave everything behind. but everyone has different perspectives so it would be interesting to know.

10/13/2006 07:28:00 AM | 2 comments